VISITING MY GRANDFATHER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 30 YEARS...



So, for those of you who know me and have been following me for years, know that my grandfather was a huge part of my life and when I lost him at age 17 it was devastating for me!  I had such a hard time coping with his loss that I read anything and everything I could to do with the paranormal and how to "Still" communicate with your loved ones that had died.

So, this is VERY personal.... and I don't talk a lot about it in detail, but I wanted to share something with you guys.

Short story.....When my grandfather died, I broke down at the funeral and had to be put in the car because I was so upset.  I didn't get to say good-bye to my Nan(Grandfather) because he died before I could get to the hospital after a triple by-pass surgery.  I was told he was doing great so I thought "great I'll just go see him in the morning"  but he didn't make it through the night.  The GUILT of that never goes away.  I can't write to much about it, because it is STILL hard after all this time.

Anyway, over the weekend, I thought it was time to go see him after almost 30 years.  The flood of emotion at seeing his and my grandmothers headstone at first was overwhelming!!! It was as clear to me as the LAST time I was there, as if it happened yesterday.  The casket, the flowers, the preacher, the people, the PAIN....... I guess in some weird way I needed "closer" or maybe just needed to say "Goodbye".  I don't know what I needed.  In my heart I know I can talk to my grandfather anytime I want to, I don't have to be at the grave site.  But after the initial shock of being back there, I had a really nice day and felt really good about things when I left.

I hope you guys understand about this next part.(I know some may find it disrespectful, but in know way was it intended that way).  I took a picnic with my Nan's favorite food....Angel Food Cake and for my grandmother.....Little Debbie's.  So, after working on the grave site with Deak, we had a picnic in THEIR honor.  Yes, that's right...right there in the cemetery.  I left at their grave site their Little Debbie's and Angel Food Cake.(I know animals will probably eat the stuff I left, but I still wanted to leave it).

So, see.....Nan left this world so I could find my PASSION in life and he could give me the DRIVE I needed to never give up.  ANYONE that is passionate about the paranormal will understand this when I say.....MANY MANY times in my life I could have gotten depressed and down, but turned to the paranormal that kept me searching for answering, which in turn distracted me from my "life" troubles.  IT got me though really hard times in my life with my Nan always looking out for me saying, "Beck, it will be ok....hang in there and NEVER lose sight of your dreams.  I AM HERE!!!".

Ok.  I am going to stop here, because this is much more than I original wanted to say.  But here are a couple of pics from a VERY SPECIAL DAY.  Thank you Nanny and Nan. I Love you and miss you everyday! And thank you for the support- my family and friends and my Paranormal Family...you guys ROCK!!!! :)